Tag: marriage

Prayers for Your Husband (based on Ephesians 1)

Marriage can be full of ups, downs, twists, and turns. But it is a team effort (husband, wife, and Jesus!) and nothing can match how rewarding a marriage relationship is.

Praying with and for your spouse can make a powerful difference. Personally, I would describe it as a gamechanger for my husband and me.

In May and June, I shared some prayers from the book of James, chapter 1. Here are the links for all three of the PDFs – PDF #1 Prayers from James,   PDF #2 Prayers from James,    PDF #3 Prayers from James

Now I would like to share with you some prayers that you can pray for your spouse based on Ephesians chapter 1. But before you scroll down to read them, here is a prayer for each one of you:  Lord, I pray for the people who read these prayers and lift their spouses up in prayer. Touch their marriages, Lord. Reveal to them a way where they previously thought a way did not exist. Renew their hope in You and Your ability to strengthen their relationship. Give them a fresh perspective on how to celebrate You, celebrate each other, and celebrate the gift of marriage. In Your name, Amen.

Below you will find three sections of Ephesians 1 and a prayer that goes with each one. Click here for a PDF containing these prayers! You can print them out to use as a bookmark or tape them to your mirror, etc.  (More prayers based on Ephesians will be coming, so be looking for those.) Continue reading “Prayers for Your Husband (based on Ephesians 1)”

When Expectations in Marriage Take Over

This is an “In case you missed it” post that I would like to share with you. Last month, I had the honor of being a guest contributor on AWifeLikeMe.com where it originally appeared: Link to original post     (***I would love hearing your feedback on this…this was a tough topic to share about.)

 

When I was twenty, the future I dreamed of included a loving husband and four kids. By the time I was twenty-nine, my husband and I excitedly welcomed our fourth child into our home, and we were living that dream life.

 

However, in my early thirties, my feelings and my reality were not in sync. Looking back, I can safely say I was in the midst of a mild depression. The blessings in my life were somehow not enough, and I felt something was missing. I began to look for and expect that missing piece to be found in my husband.

 

One memorable morning, my husband and I sat on the edge of our bed. Tears streamed down my face as I once again expressed that I was struggling with nearly constant sadness. I will never forget the defeated look in his eyes.

 

Numerous times before that day, he had lovingly pointed out the positives, embraced me, and prayed both for me and with me. But on this particular day,  when my tear-filled eyes locked with his, I realized he was weary and out of ideas about how to satisfy an unfair expectation I had unintentionally placed on his shoulders. Somewhere along the way, I had started looking to my husband to be the solution to my feelings of emptiness.

 

Confiding in my husband about my lack of joy was part of the covenant of marriage, but looking to him to be the solution was not contained in the vows we made to each other back in 1992.

 

Like the line from the movie, “Jerry Maguire,” I was looking to my husband to complete me. In this famous scene, when Tom Cruise’s character declares to Renee Zellweger’s character that she completes him, many viewers see it as the ultimate romantic gesture.

 

But in real life, it is an extraordinary amount of pressure to thrust upon anyone; especially someone we deeply, dearly love. Not only this, it is unfair to ask a person to be for us what God can only be. But here I was, seeking to find in my husband a fix for my empty.

 

I wish I would’ve known that as a wife, looking to my husband for my source of purpose, joy, or identity would only bring disappointment and frustration. And in my case, a low-level depression.

 

Friends, we have a promise-keeping God, and one of His promises is that we can indeed possess complete joy.  God’s Word assures us that our journey to complete joy starts by remaining in an obedient, loving relationship with Jesus.

 

John 15:9-11 (NIV) says, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”

 

God goes above and beyond, because a different version of the bible (the NLT) reads, “our joy will overflow.”

 

Let us never burden our husbands with the impossible task of completing us. How wonderful it is that God truly wants us to look to Him to do that. Let us rejoice that He is willing to fill us to overflowing!

 

This truth is freeing and life-giving. God has what your heart longs for. Turn to Him, and see your heart come alive.

 

A note for anyone struggling with depression: the church has historically not been an advocate for mental health. We do not want you to read this and think there must be something wrong with you, because you are looking to God for joy, but still not experiencing it. Please know that sometimes, like in my case, my feelings (of low-level depression) were due to my misplaced source of joy. But for you, it may be due to a chemical or hormonal imbalance, or due to a traumatic brain injury, which may possibly require medication. If you believe you may be suffering from depression, we encourage you to seek the care of a professional to help you seek the Lord in navigating your own unique journey of healing.

 

Wife Step: Spend five minutes alone with God, sharing your heart with Him. Tell Him how you desire new joy in your heart and in your life. Bare your soul to Him and tell God how you’re struggling with your expectations of your husband. He wants to hear, and He wants to fill you with His presence and joy.

 

Prayers (#3 of 3) For Your Husband

This is the third post in a series of three printable prayers for spouses!

I firmly believe praying for our spouse is one of the most important things we can do to strengthen our marriage. I want to encourage you to begin or continue (whichever the case may be) taking time each day to pray for your spouse or significant other.

(Praying together is also a faith-building relationship-strengthening activity in marriage and there will be an upcoming blog post about that!)

Here are three prayers based on the book of James, chapter 1: 19-21, 22-24, and 26-27.

Scroll down for a printable that includes these prayers!

Also printable #1 and #2 are included at the end of this post!

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. James 1:19-21

Dear Lord, fill my husband with Christlike gentleness and lovingkindness. Before he reacts to potentially volatile situations, instruct him how to be attentive to and considerate of all viewpoints. May he be intentional in becoming more like You: quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Lord, show him how to deliberately separate himself from the rampant evil in this world. Produce in him a righteousness that glorifies You, and lead him toward Your will and Your way. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. James 1:22-24

Dear Lord, develop in my husband a passion for diving into and studying Your Holy Word. Teach him to earnestly listen for Your voice as he strives to remain on the path You designed for him. May he allow Scripture to direct every aspect of his life. I pray he will wholeheartedly enjoy the freedom that living for You provides. Lord, reveal to me how to be his trusted source of encouragement as he learns to surrender to You more and more. Generously bless his devoted obedience to You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1: 26-27

Dear Lord, make my husband’s relationship with You his first priority. Instill in him the ability to control his tongue and speak with Christlike wisdom and love. I pray that the manner in which he speaks, acts, and treats others will influence them for You. May he be compelled to reach out to those in need, and may Your mercy, generosity, and love be visible through his actions. Lord, guard his heart from becoming distracted or gripped by the sin in this world. Help him to boldly walk in integrity. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Here is the link for these prayers. Download them, print them, tape them on your mirror or use as a bookmark, etc.

Click here for the 2nd printable in this series!

Click here for the 1st printable in this series! 

 

Prayers (#2 of 3) for Your Husband

(This is the second post in a series of three printable prayers for spouses. Be watching in a few more days for the third post!)

I would venture to say that praying for our spouse is one of the most important things we can do to strengthen our marriage. I want to encourage you to begin or continue (whichever the case may be) taking time each day to pray for your spouse or significant other.

(Praying together is also a faith-building, relationship-strengthening activity in marriage and there will be an upcoming blog post about that!)

I would like to share three prayers based on the book of James chapter 1:9-10, 13-15, and 17.

Scroll down for a printable that includes these prayers!

Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. James 1:9-10

Dear Lord, may my husband clearly see every blessing You have granted to him. No matter what his current circumstances are, help him to be thankful to You for those blessings. May his grateful spirit be emulated by his loved ones. Put in him a Christ-like contentment whether he is in a season of need or of having all that he hopes for. Lord, stir in him a concern for those that are struggling and a desire to come alongside them in Christlike support and love. 

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. James 1:13-15

Dear Lord, I pray that my husband will plainly see the dangers of sinning against you. Replace any of his sinful desires with a longing for a thriving relationship with You. May false promises of fulfillment through sinning not appeal to him, and may he instead be attracted to the genuine fulfillment of living a Christ-following life.

May he refuse to put himself in positions where temptation may be difficult to avoid. If he commits sin, teach him to take responsibility, and help him to humbly accept the forgiveness and restoration You readily extend. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

Dear Lord, Thank You for entrusting my husband with countless blessings. Help him to be mindful of the fact that all good gifts come from You. I pray he will always give You the glory for those gifts, whether big or small. May he be a man who faithfully and openly praises You, and may he inspire others to praise You as well. In this world of disorder and confusion, reassure my husband that You are unchanging, constant, and in control. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

***Click here for a PDF with these prayers. You can download them or print them out. Tape them to your mirror or use as a bookmark, etc.!

***There are 3 more prayers from James chapter 1 that I will be sharing with you in the next few days…be watching for them!

Here is a link for the first PDF of prayers for your husband from James 1:2-6

Prayers For Your Husband

How would you feel if you knew your spouse was praying for you and your relationship with Jesus?

I would venture to say that praying for our spouse is one of the most important things we can do to strengthen our marriage. I want to encourage you to begin or continue (whichever the case may be) taking time each day to pray for your spouse or significant other.

(Praying together is also a faith-building, relationship-strengthening activity in marriage and there will be an upcoming blog post about that!)

I would like to share three prayers based on the book of James chapter 1:2-6

Scroll down for a printable that includes these prayers!

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, James 1:2

Dear Lord, when challenges occur in my husband’s life, help him to be steadfast in prayer. Place in him a firm belief that You will see him through. As his faith in You grows, may it encourage all who see it displayed in his life. Lord, may the joy that comes from being Your child increase not only when You bring him through trials, but also in the midst of those trials. Give him the ability to see beauty in unexpected places as You redeem difficult situations in the glorious ways that only You can. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:3-4

Dear Lord, I pray it will become a natural tendency for my husband to persevere when he faces tests of his faith. May he be known as a man of unshakeable perseverance, and may that impact our family for generations to come. Lord, help him to be grateful that his relationship with You will be strengthened as a result of persevering through adversity. Show me the best way to be supportive and loving toward him when he is facing tests in his life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. James 1:5-6

Dear Lord, I ask You to give my husband the desire to seek and boldly ask for Your wisdom. Reassure him that You will generously provide Your wisdom and that You will show him how to apply it in his life. Lord, please remove doubt from my husband’s mind and replace it with strong faith in Your Word and Your way.  Help him to be a man who listens intently for Your voice and has confidence in every word He hears from You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

***Click here for a PDF with these prayers. You can download them or print them out. Tape them to your mirror or use as a bookmark, etc.!

***There are 6 more prayers from James chapter 1 that I will be sharing with you in the next few days…be watching for them!

Unprayed Answers

But even so, God orchestrated that forgotten idea in our lives years later…

Whenever I am seated at the piano on Sunday mornings leading our congregation in song along with our church praise team, I consider it to be one of the sweetest blessings in my life. In addition to me, the team presently includes three vocalists, a bass guitarist, an occasional drummer, and an acoustic guitar player. 

In the early 2000s, as I sat on a padded metal chair in a conference room filled with hundreds of other women at a Christian event, a husband and wife duo performed several moving songs. She sang and he played guitar. Listening to them share their love of Jesus and music in such a special way made an impact on me. For a few months after the conference, my mind revisited how touching it was that they had the opportunity to participate in a music ministry together as husband and wife. However, as time went on, the memory of that duo disappeared from my mind.

A few years later, on a whim, my husband and I both attempted to teach ourselves how to play guitar. He learned much more easily and quickly than I did, and my ego took a hit, so I quit. I never tried learning guitar again, and I might just be a little bitter about my husband having such a seemingly easy time mastering a new instrument, especially since I am the one with a music degree and background. (By the way, if you were expecting a post about perseverance when the going gets tough, this is not it.) 😉

More than a decade later on a Sunday morning in 2017, as I sat in front of the sanctuary leading a worship song with the praise team, the memory of that husband and wife duo unexpectedly reappeared in my mind. I immediately began to tear up. I confess that I frequently tear up during the music portion of our church service because when the song lyrics proclaim the greatness of God’s love and faithfulness, my gratitude causes an emotional response. But this particular time, my tears were due to the fact that I had overlooked for several years. You see, I love Jesus with all my heart and I thoroughly love to sing, so I am definitely thankful that I sing on a church praise team. But on that particular morning, I was struck by the added detail that my husband is part of that praise team with me, playing the aforementioned acoustic guitar. I am sure that a combination of factors was involved in God inspiring Darren to learn how to play guitar and join the praise team. I can’t help but think that I know what one of them was: God wanted to accomplish something in my marriage which I had deemed impossible. 

It is amazing that we serve a God who sometimes honors dreams that are shoved down deep into our hearts or almost entirely dismissed. Dreams we don’t even bother to transform into prayer, because we have already decided they are out of the realm of reality.

The idea of sharing in a music ministry together as a couple never became more than an intriguing thought. Not a wish. Not a prayer. In fact, it had been forgotten. But even so, God orchestrated that forgotten idea in our lives years later, and it is an incredible, straight-from-God gift. Because of His great love, God answers prayers we never even consider praying.

No one I would rather write my story with

IMG_4308This man. I love him more than I ever thought I could. Okay – that’s corny, but I remember literally thinking on our wedding day, “How could I possibly love him more than I do today?”

For our wedding, I wrote a song entitled, “In His Plan” thanking God for creating us with each other in mind. A year ago, I wrote a new song for him in which the chorus begins with these lyrics: “There’s no one I would rather write my story with.” Ours has been my favorite love story thus far complete with four kids that I, with much self-admitted bias, find to be quite amazing.

I love that I get to parent side-by-side with him and watch him be a dad to those four amazing kids. He teaches our sons to be Godly men and models it as well. He treats our daughter like a princess, and is doing a good job of making it difficult for her to ever find a guy that compares to her father! He is an extremely wise man. Maybe more of a ‘wise guy’ sometimes…but his kids are truly blessed to have a father that they can go to anytime for wise advice. And they can go to him for so much more: assurance, assistance, allowance 😄, and most of all, unconditional love.

I love that he plays a lot of roles in his life, and he does it to the best of his ability while being principled and loyal. Roles such as husband, father, insurance agent/owner, coach, and more. As his wife, I can attest that his dedication to each role is second to none.

So is his ability to drive me crazy, and I’ve never hidden that fact from him! Being married for over 23 years gives a married couple many opportunities to do and say things that get on each other’s nerves. And although I could sometimes swear that some of his choices are made just to bug me, through the years I’ve come to respect the manner in which he approaches his endeavors. In other words, there may be times when I don’t agree with or even like a particular choice, but I certainly admire him for having well-thought-out reasons for his decisions and genuinely trying to make the decisions that best serve his family, friends, basketball players, and customers…depending on which hat he’s wearing for that particular decision. And when we face the numerous types of decisions that we must make together, we’ve developed a pretty darn respectful-of-each-other’s-views process that we go through.

I love that he’s a ‘Jesus-first. Family-second. All-else-third.’ type of guy. I love that he kisses me goodbye every morning before work. I love that I get to listen to him sing with the radio while I fake-sleep in the car. I love that he has a slightly weird obsession with the upkeep of our yard. I love that he loves to cook and grill and try new recipes. I love that we both love spending time together, and that we still make each other laugh like no one else does. I love that we’ve tackled some tough marriage and parenting issues together, and it’s brought us closer to each other instead of driving us apart. I love that we start many days off by praying with each other. Nothing helps someone see inside the heart of their spouse like seeking God’s will together in prayer. I love that he’s a man of integrity, that he’s a hard-worker, that he’s gorgeous, and that he’s mine. I love that God created us with each other in mind.

I’m assuming he will continue to sometimes drive me crazy until the end of time. To be perfectly honest, I’m good with that, because there’s no one I would rather write my story with. Good, bad, and crazy chapters and all.

 

Coincidence? God answers in time of doubt

During the early years of my marriage, I went through a phase of feeling very inadequate. The voice that casts doubts on whether we are good enough, smart enough, witty enough, pretty enough, interesting enough, capable enough etc. was screaming at me, and I was listening.

You know that voice? Sure, you do. It whispers, speaks, or shouts at different levels and at different times during our lives. Some of us are just much better than others at quieting it. Some of us have even found a way to turn the voice off. Unfortunately, at that point in my life, I didn’t know that not listening was an option.

I vividly remember one early morning sitting down in my living room recliner asking God through tears why I couldn’t be this…or that…or more this…or more that. And that particular morning that voice had convinced me that my husband was wishing or hoping or even praying that I was more than I was. What I was struggling with the most was that I didn’t feel beautiful enough…on the outside or inside. Mirrors constantly reminded me that I had never seen myself as beautiful. And comparing myself to others constantly reminded me that I wasn’t interesting enough to ever be described as having a “beautiful” personality.

My Bible was in my hands. I opened it, and it ‘happened’ to be these words that I read on page 1384: “Instead, it (beauty) should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” A rush of tears came and fell. I wept because He answered me so specifically, so intimately, and so perfectly. God heard me. God cared about me. And God cared about what I cared about. Goodness gracious…my Bible “fell open” to that particular verse…a verse I had never noticed before…a verse that hit the nail precisely on the head with my pain of feeling like I lacked beauty inside and out! He’s just that good. What I received from that answer to my tearful prayer was the promise that God says that the quiet, gentle trust I have placed in Him makes me beautiful, and it’s a beauty that does not fade. (1 Peter 3:4) The Bible says so.

I should mention that my husband hadn’t done anything to make me feel like I am not enough. This mindset was invented courtesy of me and the voice I hadn’t learned to hush. I am now confident that when he looks at me, he sees inside and outside beauty that he’s pretty thrilled with! I should also mention that I’m not saying a woman has to be reserved and quiet in order for God to find her valuable! The Bible doesn’t say a gentle and quiet personality…it says a gentle and quiet spirit. A gentle and quiet spirit comes from an assurance that God is taking care of you and that He loves you, despite what life’s circumstances might lead you to believe. It’s the type of assurance that gives us the peace that “transcends understanding,” talked about in Philippians 4:7. Our spirit doesn’t have to be caught up in the rush of anxiety and “disquiet”. We don’t need to be controlled by unrest, wondering if He has our best interests at heart. He does…and He proves His faithfulness over and over.

God gave me a confidence that day. It was placed in me by the One who knit me together in my mother’s womb. Wow! It’s a confidence that says I am of great worth in His sight. You can have that confidence too! That is a beautiful truth about a beautiful God who created people that He finds beautiful. People that sometimes just happen to open the Bible to the exact verse that speaks to their exact issue at that exact moment. What a beautiful coincidence.